Zion International Christian Centers: Why Do you regret your marriage, and where and what are the reasons behind it?

A marriage cannot be darker than this

My Story -It was an arranged marriage. We met 5 times before marriage and we both happily agreed to tie the knot after a month since our 1st meeting. We discussed about almost everything (likes, interests, goals, giving each other their personal space and the list goes on), except for past relationships, because I have always been a girl who has learned to live in the present. I have always lived that way no matter what. We had our pasts and we didn’t care about it. Everyone has their pasts. However, I made it very clear that no matter what I wouldn’t compromise with loyalty, trust and respect to which he also agreed, saying that he wanted the same from me. Everyone around us was happy. I could see tears of happiness in everyone's eyes when he said "Yes".

He was working at a very reputed organisation and was earning quite well. I left my job because everything was happening so fast and I had to shift from Delhi to Pune. My in laws, however, demanded the following items as dowry/stridhan:

1. Cash - 11 lacs INR

2. A Four Wheeler (i10 Grand)

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I was absolutely against this and brought the matter up to him but I was shushed away saying whatever they are doing, they are doing it for us. My dad was promised that they will be using this money to buy a flat in Pune for us.

One big reason for saying yes to him was also that I always wanted to get away from this place (my home) because my parents have been fighting since ages. I thought this was my chance of getting away from this chaos and which is why I said "Yes".

We started talking a lot and during the process I started developing feelings for him. He also hinted towards making me believe that I was probably the most important person in his life. And finally we got married after a month of courtship. I stayed at my in laws for about 3 days and then we left for Langkawi for our honeymoon.

Things were perfect. He was perfect and I was happy like I had never been before. On the 9th of march, he left the hotel saying that he wanted to hire a bike and will return soon. Meanwhile, I thought I will get dressed. He came back after an hour but I noticed a certain change in his behaviour though. I however kept quiet. This went on for 2 days. He didn’t talk to me. He would just answer my questions with a 'Yes' or 'No'. He would leave me alone in the hotel at night and would come back after 4–5 hours. Finally on the 3rd day when he was leaving around 11, I texted him saying that we need to talk. He came back around 4 in the morning and he was completely drunk. I just asked him what was wrong, if he was alright, if he was bothered by something ?

He replied saying he wanted to end all of these as he was not comfortable with me. I was shocked hearing this. I had no idea what was going on and who shall I talk to about this. I asked him if I did anything wrong, to which he replied "No, you’re perfect". I decided not to ask him anything as of now, give him sometime and maybe he will soon realise what he was saying. But he was adamant.
I asked him to just give me a month thinking maybe things will be alright to which denied and said he wanted to end our marriage as soon as possible. Being a girl, I was shocked to hear this & couldn't believe that such a man existed. We came back to Pune on the 13th of the same month and I was asked to tell everything to my sister. I had no choice and I called her and she called my parents and my parents called my in laws. The same day tickets were booked and in no time everyone was at our home to know the reason behind his behaviour. However, he decided to not say a word although he kept saying that things might go worse if I choose to stay with him.

We visited a counsellor and she interacted with us almost for 3 hrs asking all sorts of personal questions but his reply was still the same. As a result the counsellor, asked both of us to give each other a month’s time & gave other instructions too . She asked me to move out of this marriage if things didn’t work after a month because I was compromising on all aspects (Self-respect, ego). He agreed to this saying that he will try for the last time. Soon our parents decided to leave, thinking that we might end up spending some quality time together. But he was still the same. Too much of drinking/smoking. We hardly had any conversations. He would always come late.

No matter what I did, it always led to his displeasure and as a result I was shouted at before we went to sleep. I remember him raising his hand on me once just for touching his phone. My tears which once melted him, infuriated him further. He was suddenly angry at me for everything. I decided to not share this with anyone except my SIL (who is also a widow) as she assured me things will be fine soon & there was no point in dragging our parents into it.

Everyone who knew this kept asking me if he was attracted to someone else?

To this my in laws replied "No" and all this while I trusted them & decided not to ask him this question thinking it might irritate him further.

All of a sudden, I got a call from my SIL saying that they have booked my tickets for their home town because they wanted me to do Navratri Puja/Kul devta Puja. I agreed to this and left to their place along with my mother. Meanwhile, my SIL pressurised my mother to take me home for 2 days but my mother denied saying that during Navratri she couldn't take me home because of some beliefs. She though said that she will certainly call me after 14 April but on the 11th of April, I was asked by my in-laws to go and stay with my mother.

I didn't want to but since I was new there I could hardly question anyone. I was dropped at my home by my father in law after performing the puja at their place between 9:30-10:30 PM wherein he warned me not to talk to my husband over text messages/whatsapp. He said, "You can make calls but don't chat". He also confirmed he will come back to take me in the morning of 14th April and left.

The very next day, later in the evening I received a text from my husband saying that, "I have been given a go ahead u can take whatever step u want to like end urself so go ahead and do it" (in his words). Seeing his message I was scared and tried calling him but his number was continuously busy for around 3 hours. Around 11:20 p.m I called him again and found him to be depressed and upset. I asked him what was going on. I failed to understand his sudden change in behaviour. That happened two weeks ago and now it was getting even weirder. I was also sad to see him depressed. I wished I could be there with him.

On insisting further, he explained that his family is aware about his ex girlfriend. That they were in love before we got married. They parted ways for a short period of time but since we came back from our honeymoon, they have been seeing each other everyday. I couldn't believe what he was saying. I didn't feel like accepting what he was saying. I, however, refrained from questioning him since he was already upset. He also mentioned that his elder sister asked him to do a favour leave a suicide note saying that Nobody is responsible.

We spoke for an hour or so. I consoled him asking him not to worry about anything. I said whatever the reason is, i'm always there for him. He just have to take care of himself and I will be there soon with him. But he kept on repeating the sentences that were said by his family.

As a result of which I called my mother in law next morning 13/04/2016, requesting her to be with him as a support and take her words back because he was feeling alone, embarrassed & dejected. I also insisted her to call him and talk to him properly so that he can take off his mind from all those heated conversations between him and his family. I was restless so I asked my MIL the reason behind all this to which she said come home tomorrow will let you know everything. Later at night around 11, my MIL asked me to come home asap & broke the news to me that he was no more. He committed suicide by hanging, leaving a note no one is responsible. He did exactly what has been said to him the night before by his family members. I was shattered, didn’t know what to say or what to do. I won’t be able to write more about what happened when I saw his body, after that but over all it sucks to be a widow at the age of 25. It has been more than 7 months since I have stopped applying Vermilion on my forehead. It has been more than 7 months since I'm being called a Widow because my in laws provoked my husband to die and the reason is still unknown to me wherein I deserve to know the truth. My love was true & I feel i was used and dumped. I believed and trusted him enough. I still get to hear so many things about him but I fail to understand what my fault was. If there existed a plethora of problems already in their lives and there existed a very obvious rift between the siblings, wasn't I supposed to know all in advance. Why after all that was there, was I made to marry him? Shouldn't they have been transparent about all these things right from the beginning. All this has had a brutal effect on me and I can't find any joy in my life anymore even if I try to. It seems after all the longing to have a wonderful life, I am being compelled to compromise on all fronts without any fault of mine. My in laws have left me after cremation of my husband's body. I survived for my family (can’t see them in pain) for a hope of new life, for me and to fight back.

P.S - Sorry for writing such a long answer. There was nothing to hide and hence I did not hide behind the veil of anonymity. Everything happened so fast that I could hardly sit and contemplate what was happening. I was left sad and angry post the incident. I, hence, wanted to vent out my anger and that's why I started writing on quora which has helped me a lot in regaining my old self. I’m not writing this because I want people to sympathize, I just want people to read this because a background check is must before getting into this whole arranged marriage thing. My husband also had an elder sister who committed suicide in 2001, which was again hidden from us and the list continues…

I regret my Divorce.

I am 31 Female Delhi.

I married my boyfriend of 6 years. I was 27 then, when I told my mom about my boyfriend they that time only raised too many base less issues they may have someone else in mind. But all agreed after meeting my boyfriend (He is a true gentlemen and really humble). Still my mom have told me i could get you you better guy with much more net worth. I told her that I am not doing some business and I am really compatible with this one.

My dad was with me on this but mom agreed half halfheartedly. We got married in October, 2014. I have really good time with him. He would literally care for me like a small baby. He never leave home without hugging me.

But time has different plans us. Once we are having some verbal spat because he doesn`t wanted to attend my family function. he said my mother still hates him always say something difficult to digest. I said its just your wrong thinking.

I attended that function alone. My mom told me that is your husband don`t even know this much that Husband and wife come together to a function. I ignored it that time but I know that my mom was true so after coming home i talked or rather cried in front of my mom that he (my husband, ex now) would not come with me anywhere. and also fight with me if I ask him to come with me. My mom said I told you not to marry him and a lot of things which she said or rather inflame me against my own husband. she said its just starting he will show his true colours after some time.

Then after every small fight I have with my husband I will call mu mom and she will provoke me more against him. I don`t know when I started behaving as per my mom instructions in my marriage. This has become a routine After he will come home I will say some thing bitter and If he ignore and behave normal I will keep taunting him till he reacts and then will fight with him on some useless things my mother told me about and will again call my mom in night to tell what my husband called me today She the will then make a mountain out of a molehill and it has become a loop.

One day after such fight I left home and went to my mom. This was the biggest mistake I have made in my life. Now I was under direct influence of my mother and mother was never in favor of my marriage. Now when my husband call I will either give phone to my mom or not attend. 2 months passed like wise. My mother told me he will come rubbing his nose on door step to take you. But he never came.

He then filed for divorce and we have received a notice from court and letter from his lawyer. I remember I was crying while reading it. My mom still told me he never deserves you and you will not talk to him will communicate to him through lawyer only. She has tried to threaten him using dowry laws and abuse him what not. This has killed even small hope I have that my marriage will prevail.

In this 3–4 months when I was alone I realised what I have done and tried to communicate with him but it was too late. I reached to his house that use to be mine as well some time ago (So good memories in their). He refused to talk and said I feel insecure you could now hurt your self and blame me of domestic violence now, Thats the only thing that has not been blamed on me in this divorce proceedings.

I could not do anything and come back. I after that incident realised that my marriage is already dead. There after I agreed for divorce in court and proceeding shortens a little.

My mom wants me to marry again so she keeps on bringing new new proposals but nothing seems good enough for me. Who ever she brings do have money but no brains or manners (they all own or sit on ancestoral property).

Last week I have written a mail to my ex husband writing all this, he said he knows it was my mom`s line of thoughts but their was no communication or trust between us so i could have convinced you. Also he said you have given someone else place between us though your mom but it was not acceptable to him that we will go to someone else to solve our issues. He wishes me best for future.

I don`t know how will I cope up with loss, I started to hate my mother and myself for my divorce. I don`t think I will ever get someone.

A 100% yes and 70% no for I loved him.

I am a 32 year old Indian girl, married for 4 years.

First a background: Love marriage. Met during engineering. inter-religion (Hindu and Sikh), though similar class. Married after 9 years of first meeting each other.

It was always my mistake. I was always a perceived threat as per him in retrospect. There were a million red flags right from college days but I truly was blinded in love.

I was - more intelligent. Extrovert. Loved talking to people and was always happy.

He was - Kind and charming. Always politically correct. A noble person as no-one must have ever met. Yet very angry, and complaining.

I say more intelligent because I got through the engineering seat on merit, and him through his fathers money. My CGPA was always higher than his until I let it freefall for I seldom cared for marks over happiness.

He was a sweetheart to begin with. Probably still is. But, was also very possessive. Enough that I graduated with almost no friends of my own despite staying in the girls hostel for 4 long years owing to either his possessiveness, or my friends (who counted) disliked him to the core and took no pains in hiding the fact. We eventually fell apart but he stayed.

More often than not, when I was working my first job in an IT major company, the daily routine was - call from cab and answer who you sitting next to in the office cab, call in the lunch hour and call when you reach home.

These were warning signs which I ignored and that is my biggest regret. I had grown accustomed to the interrogation. To small fights and disagreements. Enough that I resigned within the first few months of my first job and instead did MBA assuming that to be easier.

However, only the reasons changed, fights did not. I was again rushing back home as soon as the class ended, never going out with girl friends from MBA class, and whatever. 2 years passed in a flash and here again I missed all the red flags.

I was probably avoiding change as had lost my father back during engineering college suddenly and didn't want to loose him as well. He was my weakness. His smile and happy promises. His jokes and kindness to people.

Yet again, I worked my second job. Quit. Got married.

He did slap me once or twice but had always apologised profusely blaming his anger. But now, the slaps became a habit. Physical, mental, emotional abuse was the norm. His parents never interfered because they were a modern family and didn't interfere in the kids lives. Now, it was not his anger which was the cause, but my mistake who instigated him and enjoyed being slapped (as per him).

I often felt alone. It was pointless to speak because it was always my word against his mother or the servant and I was always held wrong. It went down to the extent that I thought I would be blamed even if the neighbours dog died.

The slaps continued. I left the home. Returned back on my mothers insistence who didn't know about the abuse and thought I will and should make the marriage work. And now, my husband openly warned me the first time he hit after my leaving home - What will you do? Call the police? Try and you will know!

Such arrogance for having the right connections, a fair voice and lots of money. I had neither money, nor the connections nor voice and support of my uncles after my fathers death.

So here, I start recording the abuse. And that is what all I had when I left his home finally to prove my innocence.

And this husband I so dearly loved, whose words melted me and made me forget all the shit that was happening, used to tell me - I am his biggest mistake and the source of his misery.

Today, this same husband says he never slapped me off his own. I instigated him and then enjoyed being slapped. I enjoyed his verbal abuses and did things deliberately to set him off.

I tried communicating asking him to feel my misery. To see the pain I went through. To see the fear it instilled in me that I get shaken up by the slightest noise. It was and still is an act for him and his family.

Some people advised me to go legal. To file for Domestic Violence. To get my rightful share of money and property or at least what my dear mother spent on the wedding.

I’ve never had the courage to do that. There were sad lies being said about me, which quietened knowing I have him on record abusing me.

And through this all, I am left nowhere. Now a 32 year old, with not a job in hand though exceptionally bright, zero confidence, a single mother supporting me and a bag full of regrets. I lost all our college friends for they were really his friends first. I lost myself in this.

Today, I am a girl who no longer wants to meet my relatives for their gapes and sighs as soon as I turn, for the questions in their eyes. I don't want to step out where I was born and brought up for the questions people ask.

I try to be a happy independent girl who likes to travel. But I know the cost of that smile everyone compliments me about. I am often lonely yet smile wishing the loneliness away.

People who know my story say I am strong. And in my heart I wish I never had to be strong. I was happier being a simple weak girl who had love and care. No matter how many people care for me, I still find myself alone.

They say they find hope and strength in me. I say, where do I go looking for hope for myself. I so wish I had a magic wand at times to just disappear and not have to go through the daily motions of life. And I wave the thought across with that smile.

At times, I find myself thinking of ways to disappear. I find myself fantasising about running away, and how it would mean an end to most of my troubles. Those are the sad days. But then comes the sun, with its rays of hope and life full of dreams.

And life moves on.

Edit 1: I forgot to mention why its a 70% of no regret.

This marriage made me who I am today. It tested my limits, and I emerged stronger, disciplined and positive in a way that was unimaginable.

This marriage made me realise that I am capable of a lot more than a 9–5 corporate job. Today I am looking at public policy as a career option. I am looking at finding a solution to impact lives of 100s and eventually 1000s of children in small Indian towns and villages.

I am a determined person today. All due to him. It is difficult to believe in myself often, yet I do know somewhere that I am a person capable of helping improve lives of people, not just my own.

Due to him, I realised the hollowness of relationships. The marriage weeded out hollow friendships. The marriage added value to life, and made me see the facade of materialism we build around ourselves, protecting us from discomforting questions and actions.

I have been depressed, yet always find the power to fight it within. Running away was never an option, and it is not now.

I am going to make my life count.

I regret my marriage because it destroyed me. I got married in an arranged marriage setup.

I was always the shy, studious, & rule abiding girl. I had never dated or had a boyfriend.

1 year after graduation, my parents had me meet with a guy from a nice, respectable family. He was educated, soft spoken, & respectful. We met 3 times & the engagement was made official. The wedding date was set for 4 months later & we had a charming courtship period. We would pamper each other with affection, gifts, & romantic gestures.

We got married & were living happily. Some issues were there. Like he used to get angry frequently, my mother-in-law would try to make decisions regarding me without consulting with me, that I felt I’m subtly being pressured to quit my job, etc. I discussed them with my mother & she would always ask me to adjust. She said such small issues always come up in new marriages & I would eventually learn how to deal with every family member in a loving way. She also asked me not to reveal too many household details. A wife should uphold the dignity of her new home & not get her parents too involved because my new family might feel that my parents are interfering. I adjusted & life was normal.

1 year into our marriage, I felt the most safe & comfortable with my husband. I had no doubt that he was the life partner God had made for me. His love for me gave me the courage to reveal my darkest secret to him. One night when my parents-in-law weren’t home, I sat him down & told him everything. When I was 14-years-old, I was sexually molested many times by a family relative. The minute he heard that, he froze. He leaned back, said nothing for several minutes, & eventually walked out of the house. I had expected that. I understood it might take him sometime to process the information. It wouldn’t be easy to know that the woman he loved so much had been through such trauma. But I decided to be vulnerable with my husband because I knew that he would become my strength.

He came back after some time. He asked me all the details. This was the first time I had even mentioned about the abuse to anyone, so talking about the details was even more difficult & painful. But I did. If my husband asked it, there must be a reason. He deserved to know. I told him all the ways I was touched, rubbed & penetrated.

He went to bed & immediately slept. I respected his reaction & gave him the time to process. Weeks went by & he was still in the same mood. All those weeks, he didn’t talk to me directly, didn’t even hold my hand once.

I pleaded him to talk to me. To at least communicate. After some days he finally said something.

“I want a divorce”

That’s it. No reason.

I broke down into tears. I didn’t know what had I done. I begged him to resolve any problems that he might have with me. He finally opened up after hours of my begging. He said I had cheated him into marrying me. That I lied to him when I said I had never had a relationship before him. That I spoiled his life. I was a cheat, a liar.

I tried to make him understand that I hadn’t cheated him. I hadn’t even had the courage to reveal all this to my parents or best friends. I wasn’t waiting for us to get married & then reveal it to him. I never even thought I would share it with someone. But it was his love & care that made me trust him with my life. I finally felt safe enough with a person to share my biggest burden with, and that I was so lucky that my husband was the person. But I had no reply to what he said next.

He said he had been a virgin before marriage so he deserved a girl who was just as pious as him, and I wasn’t that. He said he felt disgusted that he ever slept with me. That I was an immoral girl, a used & discarded woman. He said that 14-year-old girls aren’t children. They are sexually mature. He knew some 14-year-old girls when he was young who even had boyfriends & made out with them. He said I must have lured my rapist into having sex with me, I enjoyed it while it lasted, & now that he’s dead I’m blaming him to seem innocent.

That 10 minute rant shattered me, my confidence, and my belief in love & humanity. I couldn’t even cry anymore. I was dead inside.

For the next few months, I still tried to be the good wife he loved before. But he grew more distant, disrespectful, & aggressive everyday. Eventually even our families started noticing it. They asked me, but what could I say? It stemmed from something I never had the courage to talk about. I was craving for his love & affection. Once, I put my hand on his face & leaned in to give him a peck on his cheek. He pushed me back & I bumped into a door a few feet way. I tore a muscle in my back but he didn’t even flinch. He shouted at me not to put my dirty lips on him & walked off. I had to call my best friend because I was in unbearable pain. I didn’t tell her anything but she understood what had happened.

She took me to a doctor, but refused to take me home afterwards. She made me call my parents & I went to their home with them. Our parents had a meeting to resolve. My father-in-law said that such things keep happening between a couple. It’s not like he had hit me. My mother-in-law guaranteed that she will make sure I’m safe. She even persuaded my husband to come over & apologize. But he refused to do so & declared that I was an immoral woman & he didn’t trust my character. That I wasn’t fit to bear his children. Just that, & even his parents didn’t want me back anymore.

A month later, divorce was filed. When my parents tried to fight back by demanding maintenance & alimony, they charged me with many more cases. According to them, I had destroyed their peace, been cruel to them, threatened & physically harmed my mother-in-law, maligned their reputation in the society, stole from them & what not. They obviously couldn’t prove that I was characterless. But I had to talk about my childhood abuse first in front of my parents & lawyer, and then the whole court. Towards the end of our case even the judge asked me why didn’t I file for divorce from such a man on my own & why didn’t I charge him for all the abuse.

I am divorced today. The case was settled quickly according to Indian standards because my ex’s family wanted the divorce to get finalized soon so that he could remarry a ‘pious’ and ‘moral’ woman. But in our society, that isn’t an option for me. I’m officially damaged goods, after all.

I recently went to my best friend’s wedding. I’m very happy for her, but I often think what if? What if I was never abused? What if my ex-husband’s match had never come for me? What if I had never trusted him enough to share it with him? What if I too would have dated, and after some hit & trial found love like my best friend did? Breaking up is certainly better that getting divorced, after all. What if I had said yes to that popular guy in college? He ended up marrying another classmate of ours he asked out after I turned him down, & they seem so happy. What if I was in her place today?

I wish I could redo my life. But I can’t. I have resigned to this life now.

-Click here to donate as The Spirit leads you to support the vision of this mission and the orphange for God loves a cheerful giver - Ah Lord God! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for thee: -Jeremiah 32:17

Do I regret my marriage or not? I am married for last eleven years and four months. Let me introduce myself. I am an Indian woman who got married arranged by his father (not my mother as who listens her.). I completed my Masters in English literature and doing B. Ed at the time of my wedding. When my father went to his town(remember “town” and I was raised in city),he was mesmerized with his two acre Villa and his farms and businesses. He was really handsome with six feet height . When Papa returned from there my mother asked about his education,he just replied that they could not find the documents to show. My father wasn't even bothered though he is a retired class 1 officer. Well I got married with him. On the first night what he said to me was really heart breaking ,he said, “I won't let you do job and if you want to do it you can go back to your parents house and then do the job.” That was time when I got to know that I have been married to a narrow minded and conservative person. I belong to that society where you have to adjust according to your husband's wishes. He didn't let me complete my B. Ed saying , “why do you need a degree as I am with you. I am neither going to divorce you nor going to die .”So I dropped my exams. I forgot myself and became like a frog in the wall. But he didn't forget my upbringing and it was enough for him to suspect as I was a regular student who used to go college daily. Actually he was inferior to me and this feeling turned into possessiveness and doubts on my character. He still asks me random questions about where we lived and many more and when I laugh at his talks he says that my laugh is fake and when I get irritated he smirks saying “chor ki daadi me tinka”(a thief shouts more) His doubt on me has increased so much that even I talk to a guy half of my age whether they are his cousins or nephews, he blames me for infidelity. I am really stuck in this marriage. I have stopped talking to anyone still he says very mean things to me like if someone is staying at home and when he returns from work and asks whether I went to guest room and he smells me if I am smelling like relative. (you know what I mean.) His attitude tears me apart. This is not enough when I go to my parents house he says you have been in relationship with your brother in law (sister's husband) who lives near my father's house. And every night at 12 he fights with me saying did he come. My daughters see me crying and wipes my tears. He thinks of me a SLUT and believe me I am far away from infidelity. Still what I get to listen “you will raise our daughters like your self.” can you imagine how much it hurts. I belong to a very genuine family. My father and brother have never smoked or consumed alcohol. But the fact is my husband is alcoholic and I have not told this to my parents because they could not do anything only will get hurt. My marriage mediator lied about his addiction or may be he didn't know. Apart from husband I am really fad up with my mother in law, brother in law , his wife and routine Quarrels. What I was what I have become. I used to compose poetry, stories, diary but when I got married my identity was set on fire. Even tonight he fought with me over phone on brother in law issue that he came as I am staying at my parents because of summer vacation. When he hung up the phone I cried bitterly and then suddenly saw this question on quora and decided to pour out my feelings as this is the only way to interact with people for me as I do not go out from my husband’house . If I get the chance I go out in veil . My husband doesn't even know what quora is . So the question is remaining and yes I do regret my marriage and I know that even my father regrets getting me married there .

He doesn't say anything but I know.

A big Yes.

I got married to this girl 1.5 years back who had done MCA and claimed that she did the job for 1 year after finishing her post grad and then started preparing for government exams. She said she would like to work after the marriage.

Things were fine for first couple of months but then it started changing drastically. Her expectations from me increased like anything like I should pamper her, take her somewhere after I come back from office, should buy her expensive gifts, etc. She started arguing over small things and started threatening to leave the house often.

She never tried for any job or any psu exam sincerely and when I asked her to concentrate on these things, I always got the same reply that why does she need to work if I am earning a decent amount.

A little background about myself I am 29 years old from India, working with one of the leading I-banks. I come from a middle-class family and worked really hard to become what I am today. I did engineering from NIT and MBA from IIM. I earn 40L+ per annum so financially it was okay for me if she doesn't get a job.

Her mother and sister had controlled her like anything since marriage. They talk to her at least for 3-4 hours a day and say negative things about my family often (I know this beacuse I've heard their conversation when she thought I was not at home).

Just to give a background, her father has 4 siblings, and he has complicated relationships with his parents and all of his siblings. My MIL wants to replicate the same model in my family. I tried my best to keep her busy at daytime but all in vain. She was never interested in going to any coaching classe to study something or to learn any other activity.

We had some argument last year and to prove her right she said to her parents that I drink alcohol and beat her daily after coming back from office. Indirectly she had threatened me to send to jail as well. Things reconciled that time and when I asked her about why she said such a lie, she flatly refused and told she never said this thing and I am lying. I was like what the hell??

She became pregnant 2 months back and everyone in my family was very happy after hearing this news but she had some other plans. From the next day on wards, she had started the unneccessary drama. For whole day I had to listen how difficult is her life now because of vomiting, headaches, etc. We visited doctor multiple times and doc had the same reply every time that this is very normal during pregnancy and nothing to worry about but still there were arguments happening in my house over these things on daily basis. (I don't know what I could have done for these natural things.)

One day, we had an argument over one small matter, and she again threatened me to leave the house during the argument. She called her father, got her tickets booked and what she said while leaving was the most shocking thing for me. While leaving she said to her mother on phone that she'll file cases on my family and send everyone to jail.

It's been 1 month now since she went back to her hometown and her parents never tried to reconcile the things. Her father called once and said his daughter will come back only when someone from my family goes their to bring her back.

I really don't know what to do know.

Even if she apologies for what she had done and comes back, it will be impossible for me to trust a girl who lies like anything and has threatened me to send to jail twice that too over silly arguments. God knows upto what extent she can go.

I know her family is taking advantage of the fact she is pregnant. What if they don't send her back in next few months. Things will change once the baby comes in the world. No matter how much I resist but I'll have to compromise and I am very sure that my life will become worse than hell if I accept her back just like that.

Every single day I wake up, this is the first thing on my mind. Worst part is that I am trapped in this marriage and looks like there is no way out.

Yes, I regret my marriage. Going anonymous because I want to live.

I have been married for only about a year but it feels like ages of torture.

It was an arranged marriage.

Firstly, I did not want to get married at all but how could anyone have let a 27 year old unmarried Indian woman stayed peacefully.

I had nothing against marriage. My parents were looking for a groom since I turned 25. They had seen about 30 men for me without even asking me if I even wanted to get married right now or if I had a boyfriend.

Fights and arguments became almost a common thing in our house. After 2 years of that torture, I finally decided to give up and marry a guy of their choice.

My only condition was that they let me work even after marriage. They thankfully agreed, because I know my parents would have got me married anyways.

Marriage finally happened. My parents were relieved that the burden has finally gone.

I still took all of it with a positive attitude that I am going to a start a fresh life with new people around me and with the life partner I’ve got.

Initial few days were okay, but only till guests were home.

After that, my husband and his family started showing their real colors. Beating me up everyday became like a routine for my husband. And getting beaten a routine for me. I told my mother-in-law about her son’s doings and she started scolding me that I must have been the one who provoked him.

I would thank God for the days when he would beat me up not much, but only a slap or so.

It was very embarassing when people at work asked me about how I got those scars on my face or why is my back hurting so much. I could not show them all the belt marks I had on my body from all the beating. It was painful both physically and emotionally.

Consent was a word far far away from his dictionary. We had to do it whenever he felt like doing it and whatever he felt like doing. I had no choice. Absolutely no choice.

I was made to resign my job because I was’nt obedient enough to the asshole I lived with.

There was obviously no one to support me. No friends, no family.

After going through a lot and thinking almost 10000 times..

I finally decided to part my ways with him. It is extremely difficult. There is no one in my life right now. I am homeless, jobless and deeply saddened as I write this answer sitting on the street outside my parents’ house.

I wish they would understand!

LI have been married for 13 years. I cannot have intercourse with my wife. She suffers from a condition wherein physical congress is not possible. I did not know it before I married her. Neither did she. I was/am in love with her. She is smart, beautiful and tough. And we have never had sex.

No one knows about this - friends or family.

She has pointed out many times, that I'm free to go look for physical satisfaction outside the marriage. I have tried to explain that she does not understand the ramifications of me doing that. I'm concerned that it might affect me and the delicate balance I have maintained between my desires and abstinence. I'm also afraid of losing respect for myself and affecting the marriage. Also, I tell myself, what if she had an actual physical disability. Would I have left her? What sort of person would do that?

Once a while though, I imagine how it will be on the other side. And while I have not strayed, I have started questioning if it is worth not having this particular experience in my life.

That is what I regret, deeply, and consequently my marriage. But I cannot break it off. I am very much in love with this girl.

// Edit

I am touched and humbled by the Quorans’ response to my answer, which, I had thought, would be consigned to a relatively quiet corner at quora, with a few comments.

Lost in the overwhelming laudation and a misplaced respect for me, are some questions, sensitively and thoughtfully put, which I shall attempt to answer.

As a few commenters have guessed correctly, my wife suffers from an extreme form of vaginismus. From what we understand, there is a psychological factor associated with it which makes it hard to treat.

As to people who have asked me about experimenting with alternative forms of sex, we did have infrequent oral sex (once every one or two months) during the initial few years of our marriage, which ended badly, when we tried to take it up a notch.

My wife’s motivation for doing so, stemmed more from a desire for normalcy and intimacy than actual desire. However, the underlying psychological reasons for intercourse remained in effect for other forms as well, rendering them impracticable.

A strong desire to conceive, led her to physiotherapy (despite my repeated requests for adoption, or IUI - failing which, IVF). My normally confident wife, would suffer from bouts of depression, questioning why, she couldn’t perform such a normal act. I will not go into the details of it, as I still rage at the physiotherapists for putting her through a humiliating and pointless series of “exercises”. I have always cherished my wife’s indomitable spirit. When I realized that she was getting affected by this, I put an end to it.

Maybe I will stray. Maybe I won’t. There are valid reasons for both.

In the end though, simply put, I have something precious that I do not want my regrets to jeopardize.

I used to.

Mine was an arranged marriage, like most of the Indians. Before marriage I spoke to her only a couple of time, because our marriage date was 3 months after we met formally and also we both were busy with work and preparation for the big day.

On our big night, it was 2 strangers in a room. I knew more about my watchman than my wife. We didn’t do any thing on that night , since we were strangers and very tired of the long rituals from our marriage.

couple of months after marriage was suffocating for both of us. We tried to change for each other but it made it worse. there were a lot of differences between us.

She was an extrovert, I am an Introvert.
I have less friends, she had a ton of them
She will be in phone most of the time, I rarely make calls and only calls I get is from my parents and more than them the credit card people.
I like staying indoors, she like going out and shopping (I hate shopping)
I like to be with my family and relatives, she spends her time with friends and hate spending time with the relatives.
She is a Coffee person, when ever she is free one can find a coffee mug in her hand. I don’t drink coffee or tea.
I have a kind of OCD where I don’t have any unread mails or messages even I open those spam/add mails. Once I happened to have a glimpse of her office laptop screen and she had 500+ unread mails.
She like to read a lot , she hasn’t seen the GOT series but read all the books. Most of the time in the weekend when ever she is in home I can find her in the balcony of our room reading something. I on the other hand don’t like to read much, weekends I’ll be on my bed with laptop on my chest binge watching any thing and everything
I am very lazy, she is very active.
She love driving, be it car or bike. Me on the other hand still don’t know how to drive a bike.
She spends a lot and I am kind of a savings person who rolls his tooth paste tube till there is no tooth paste left.
She travel to office in the cab, I used take the bus
She has a very good dressing sense, I just need a shirt and a pant and I’ll manage till it tears if I have to.
But I still try to dress well because of char log (Society) kya kehte hai. She is like F**k them who cares, Its my life attitude.
I never get into fight, because its a waste of time and energy even when it is not my fault, She’ll fight if someone wrongs her.
I hate cooking but love to clean I always want everything in order, she hate cleaning (She is the mess maker in the house) and used to cook food better than my mom.
She love dogs and I hate those monsters (I had a bad history with dogs).
She is a fitness freak, she eats healthy, goes to gym everyday and also good at sports. I go to gym when ever I feel like my stomach is getting big, eats what ever that is considered food, I am also good at sports that I play in my Xbox.
And the main thing is She is vegetarian and I am not. I eat chicken everyday.

All this difference may feel trivial or small (Even we taught we can handle), but it was not for us. We tried to change for each other but it felt like suffocating trying to be someone we are not. This caused frustration and stress in our life. Everyday we were unhappy. Marriage was turning to be a prison for us. Only thing we had in common is that we both thought our marriage is suffering and both didn’t want that to happen. Some time we used to argue and fight because of this. I regret marrying her.

One day we stopped trying to change for each other an we stayed the way we want. It was like staying with a roommate. We did what we like and didn’t expect any thing from other. After this, the suffocation was no more. We could breath again. In time, we kind of got used to each other.

6 months down the lane, I got an offer to work abroad for 6 month for a project. She was happy for me and I left.

I never thought that I would miss her, but I did. I missed her talking to her friends over the phone, Missed her food, no one was there to make mess. When I get back from work no one would be there in the house.

Every day I used to call her. Call would last for 10 to 15 minutes with basic ‘Hi, how are you?’, ‘How’s work?’, ‘How’s everyone there?’, ‘What’s going on?’. Every day I used to call her at the same time. She used to avoid calls form others during this time. I would be worried if she didn’t pick up the call. then I used to call my parents to check in on her.

I missed her a lot. I realized I am in love with her and I thought its only from my end and she doesn’t feel the same about me. So I kept quit.

I was about to return to India. I informed her the same, my flight was supposed to reach around 2 am in the morning, so told her that not to wait for me, since I had a key with me.

I reached around 2:30 am. When I came out of the airport, I was surprised to she her waiting for me outside the airport. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree when she saw me. She came near me. I could see her eyes filled with tear and a big smile on her face. I knew then that she also love me. She hugged me and said she missed me.

Now I don’t regret my marriage. She is the perfect one for me.

We didn’t change expect change for each other. Just love the way we are.

I only wish that we should have spent some time together before marriage so that we didn’t go through what we went during our initial days.

EDIT:

I had forgotten that I had written this, until last week when my wife showed it to me saying it is totally similar to our story. She didn’t think it was me since I am not interested in reading or writing (this long story) anyways.

(It took all this days to search for the edit link. Also unable or finding a way to remove anonymous since I am new to this platform.)

she has also bookmarked this answer.

Thanks for all the upvotes.

I guess now she knows once she reads this edit.

Yes. I do.

It was an arranged marriage.

I was married to a person (IIT Delhi, IIM Bangalore graduate) who used to take away all my earnings, would beat me up if I didn't listen and act according to his parents and him, forced me to cook elaborate meals from the 4th day of delivery of my baby and will share each and every detail of our talks with his parents and divorced brother, and finally would forever be on phone reading or texting girls.

I would say that he did improve for a short while but then his parents and brother would not let him to. There was no TV or newspapers subscribed or maid allowed or even any furniture other than bed in the house I stayed in Mumbai with him for more than a year.

He would never gift anything to our baby, not even lactogen cause his dad told him not to. He would enquire his parents even if I wanted to buy a bigger vessel for boiling milk. He would not talk to me because his parents told him not to talk to me or have any talks with me. It was painful, worst was he never realised that going on the footsteps of his divorced brother he lost his own family.

Hence, I’m independent now. I can buy my pack of chips or gifts for my parents and son on my own. It feels so much better.

I do feel lonely at times, when my friends talk about their better half or in trying a new restaurant or discussing new ideas for my son, but overall I’m much more happier now! I’m grateful that my son and I have been saved.

Edit 1:

Thank you friends for such an overwhelming love and support.

Edit 2:

Dear friends, few think that it's a made up story that is the reason why I did not go anonymous.!!

Well, I think that being anonymous or visible hardly makes a difference to my past. I stood up to something I believe in. Me being anonymous won't make it more true or being anonymous make it a fake story. My son, I and my parents have faced it all and still facing the consequences of standing up against such people.

Thank you for reading it and supporting me.

Edit 3:

Well, they wanted my father to gift them a flat in their name after my father paid for his travel, laptop and car. The problem started when the car they demanded was gifted in my name.

Even after it all, the guy wanted us to stay. But his parents warned him to demand money or else they will separate him from his family property etc.

I refused. They stopped talking and started harassing, abusing and beating me, to the extent that I had to call police twice. Finally had to leave with my son.

Their elder daughter in law left under exactly similar circumstances, 5 years back, 3 years before my marriage. But my parents were falsely told that they are together. My parents regret about it till this day.

I waited for him for a year. He never texted or showed any interest in talking to me or seeing our child. Then he messaged, emailed, SMS and watsapp that he wanted to see our baby and I should return to my matrimonial house. Later, we understood that they were looking for some legal action. So now on those lines.

Edit 4:

In a recent meeting between family relatives, he says he wants to stay with me if only I distance myself from parents and stay with him on his terms, which I could not agree to.

Do I regret my marriage? I really don't know. I just want to pour out my heart.

I am 30 year old male, I come from a middle class family. Since childhood I saw my mother was not very loved by my father. The marriage was fine but he didn't care much about her. However she loved me a lot. I decided to build up a good career and keep my mother happy. Also I had this thought

I will keep my wife very happy too.

I cracked IIT. That was the best feeling I ever had. I cannot describe how happy my mother was. I saw my dream coming too.

I had a very nice college life. I avoided getting into any relationship, cause I saw no future in it. I am bit handsome, so there were few girls who wanted to date me , but I declined because I had to make my career. I wanted just one woman in my life whom I could love. I didn't believe in second love or third love.

I got a very nice job with enormous salary. I could give everything to my mother. I remember how happy she was, but then came marriage.

I have to admit, I am a very sensitive and emotional guy. I wanted to have only one woman in my life. So I wanted someone like me. I really didn't want women with past baggage. I wanted someone whose I was the first love.

But life is not as fair as it was up till then.

I met this girl. I was bold enough to ask anything. I asked whether she had any boyfriends in the past and she admitted that she had had one boyfriend.

She was pretty and charming. She was well educated too. Her parents were quite old and she had no siblings. It was difficult situation for me. I had no past and was ready to love my wife. His father was a very humble and decent man. They were economically weak .

I felt bad for them. I thought by marrying her I could keep her happy. Various thoughts came in my mind like - What if she still loves him? There must have been physical relationship too.

I have to admit for a guy like me it was difficult. She was not the type I was willing for.

At this point I discovered quora. I read a lot of answers about men like me. I was literally shocked at the way everyone thought about guys like me. Some called us narrow minded, illiterate , 18th century guy. Some even mentioned that we should commit suicide and when I saw that even women were looking down on us I was shattered. My self esteem hit rock bottom. I thought I was some sort of scum.

I thought and pondered over this a lot and later accepted for marriage.Actually I feared the judgement of people. I believed at least she would love me well.

But things again didn't turn out as expected. Our first sex was so weird. Quora says if women is experienced she will make everything right. But it didn't happen with me.

I also felt infuriated as to how could I believe something so irrational. Any ways after two months, sex became very good. But the same would have happened if I had married a virgin. Her sexual past wasn't useful at all.

I tried to be romantic with her, but she would always make any excuse. I just wanted to love her and be loved back. I would go and gently hold her from the back and give her a back hug but she would push me away. I just thought she will take time but two years passed and she has not changed.

I ask her to lie with me on our roof and watch the night sky. She declined every time. One day I confronted her and she said that it triggers some memories with her ex.

One day I saw her face very delighted. I have to admit it she was looking very beautiful. I went to her and saw that she was browsing some old photos of herself with his boyfriend. I was hurt very badly, I told her I didn't like it and she apologized and promised she will never do this again.

But I was already hurt, the fears that I had came true. She was not cheating but still fantasizing about him. She used to be lost in thoughts about her ex. I told her

that I don't like it and every time she ended up apologizing.

We don't have much communication, she gets excited to go out with her friends on Sundays while I sit at my house. I don't have many friends. She doesn’t enjoy spending time with me.

Once I decided to go to a therapist and when I told her everything I heard her mumble - "When will men like these go extinct".

I am completely broken. I have given up. I now love her and keep her happy. I go out distribute food to beggars. Do some social service. This keeps me going on.

I don't bother where she is going or whom she is meeting. I just make sure she is safe. I have come to terms with reality. I have heard her mention to her friends how caring I am.

Now I think about all those people who I feared will judge me. Now I think about all those people on Quora who would have bashed me. They are not living the life I am living now. They are not facing the problems I am facing now.

In the end you have to face the consequences of your choices.

I met with two men from united states on facebook. They are divorced. Their wife cheated on them. They understand me. They are the only people who understand me.

I cannot leave her. She has no one on her side. Her parents have passed away. She has no siblings. I cannot be so selfish.

In India a perfect husband is one who is like me. Who will comfort a woman who still thinks of her ex by marrying her. Nowhere on Quora I found people talking about men like us. Meanwhile we build a career, someone is banging your future wife, and you would never know.

Even then, at least all I wanted was to be loved.

We are not entitled to have a woman who will love us the most.

It was all my fault. I was living in a fairy tale. No women will love you the way she used to love her first love. This is how life is. That ex dumped my wife and is probably bedding some other woman and I am supposed to mend her for what he did.

People are so much impressed when I tell them about my qualifications and salary but they don't know how much I had to sacrifice for this.

I have realized my mistake. I know I am responsible for all this. I should have not feared the judgement of people. I was wrong at expecting her to love me.

It is all my fault. Men like me are losers. Women think men like us are creeps. On the other hand men who had past affairs are much better.

I don't have any energy left to argue at all now. As I said, I have given up, completely.

Arranged marriages in India have been completely fuc'ed up. Had my wife known me better she would have loved me.

To all the guys who are like me, just few advice:

a) The funny thing in India is that a woman/man goes on exploring people and making them their gf/bf and when it comes to marriage they choose to settle down with a complete stranger. Funny isn't it? It's not!!

It's a red flag which 99% of the people ignore. Ask your prospective bride why the hell she wants to marry a complete stranger when she had a boyfriend.

Honest answers to this question are:

1) She is being forced to marry.

2)She had a fun life and now wants to marry a narrow minded guy like me and you( who don't even deserve to live) with a handsome salary and security.

3) She had failed relationships in the past and wants to get over it through marriage because she is crossing a threshold age.

b) Never fear judgement. At the same time never forget that it is you who has to face the consequences of your decisions. If Sunny Leone can do porn and still be loved then you also deserve to be loved.

c)Stop living in a fairy tale. Be strong and brave. Don’t save yourself for marriage. Sadly such women don’t exist anymore who would be happy to know that you had no past.

d) If possible go for love marriage.

And to the women:

a)Stop ruining your and your partner’s life just because your parents are forcing you to.

b)Make it very clear why you are going for arranged marriage.

c) Accept the fact it is difficult for every man to accept your past. And let me tell you the only way to handle this is through love. Tell me ,does the concept of virginity ever come up in love marriages? Why not ? because there is understanding and love.

You will see people accepting their crushes as their first girlfriends even when they had boyfriends. Why? Because they love her and this balances out everything.But this thing cannot be replicated in an arranged marriage. A man can truly accept your past only when he loves you.

d) And finally, don’t judge men like us. You had a glorious past, good for you. I am not judging you. I just wanted to share my first time with someone whose it was first time too. Learn to respect choices.

I hate to admit it, but the western culture is much better. At least they are honest about everything. They don't pretend to have gf/bf but say openly say they have sex partners. This answer says it:

Sometimes I ask myself whether I deserved this. I thought that I was good if I have not broken a woman. I thought that my wife will be so happy after she knows she is the first woman in my life.

I miss my mother. She passed away few months back. I am proud to have given her all the happiness she deserved. Now when I think about her I realize that my situation is completely like my mother.

I also realize she was the only woman in my life who loved me wholeheartedly and unconditionally.This makes me feel much better. She will always live in my memories.

Thanks for reading.

I am a girl from a tier 2 city in india. I am beautiful, intelligent and a down to earth girl. I had had many love proposals before marriage but I turned every proposal down because I knew that my family wouldn't accept this. I myself was very comfortable with the idea as I wanted to save myself for my husband. I would often dream my life after marriage and it always brought smile on my face. I don't know why, but I was quite sure that my would be husband would fulfil all my dreams and would love me very much.

Just after 4 days from my 23rd birthday, my mom got a proposal from a well-to-do family that was settled in France for business. Although I was an educated girl from an elite engineering college of India, everyone in India dreams of going, this family was out of my league. The family earned in millions and I come from a middle class family. Cut short, I married to him just after 3 months. Before marriage we talked very less and it was all nice because he was very charming and had a great sense of humour. I thought my life was all settled.

The one month after marriage was awesome. He was very caring, talked sweetly, gave me respect, made me laugh and moreover was a great lover (in bed). Everything looked so ecstatic! It was like I was in La La Land. But soon things started to turn sour.

One day he came to me and said what I couldn't even expect in my dreams. He said, “Baby, I want to spice up things between the sheets, are you up for a threesome?” Oh my God! What did he just say! He even told me that he had invited his ex girlfriend tonight. I was completely shocked. I immediately turned down the offer and yelled at him. Was I having a nightmare? I could never think of sharing my husband with anyone! Soon the girl arrived. I created a scene, but he didn't budge! He tried to convince me, as if it wasn't a big deal. He criticized me for my traditional thinking and aversion for new experiences. Exacerbated, I left the room. But the lady didn't. They had sex on the couch. They were loud enough that I could hear them doing it. It broke me to pieces. Imagine girls, how would I be feeling listening to my hubby having shameless sex with another girl in the same house.

This was not a one off incidence. Now he started demanding even worse. Once he proposed wife swapping that I denied. His friend (with whom he was setting me up for the swapping) came anyways and molested me with the help of my husband. He forced me to do BSDM and all such stuffs I wasn't at all comfortable about.

After a complete year of this ordeal, I decided to call off my marriage and came to India. I told entire things to my parents. They supported me.

The divorce process is undergoing and hopefully, we will get divorce soon.

So yes I regret my marriage. A voice of 'why me' keeps popping up every now and then and I have developed many health conditions such as insomnia, hypertension and asthama due to the constant stress I undergo.

I will answer this despite being divorced, as I have strong feelings about this subject.

Yes, I greatly regret my marriage.

Keep in mind, when you get married, you’re signing a legal contract stating you will stay with that person until death-do-you-part.

Think about this—you’ve now invited the law into your relationship—until you die. Great idea, right? What could possibly go wrong with that??

Now, some cold, hard statistics:

50% of all US marriages end in divorce.
35% would like to be divorced, but stay together for the kids, for financial reasons, or out of fear of starting over again.
Leaving a whopping 15% of all marriages where both partners are happy and fulfilled.

Why this happens:

People mature and change, and can grow quite different over time.
Marriage amplifies issues tenfold on average. Small issue now? Prepare for it to become much larger once you say, “I do.”
Familiarity breeds contempt— people get sick of each other.
You are thrown together 365 days a year which is difficult under even the best of circumstances.
People begin taking each other for granted and respect often goes out the window as a result. Need someone to yell at? There’s always your partner, right? They’re stuck—they can’t leave.
It used to be your money, but now it’s your spouse’s as well. Want to buy that cool thing you have your eye on? Not so fast, you have to get their buy-in now, too. As a result, money issues cause the majority of marital arguments.
Happy having sex exclusively with one person for the rest of your life? No, almost no one is.
Want to do what you used to do before you got married when you were single? Now you will likely have to ask for permission first. And keep in mind, they just might say “no.”

I could keep going—for a long time— but I think you get the picture.

What, this isn’t what you envisioned? You say want out?

Time to call an attorney now and receive all of the compassion that is traditionally associated with a spurned lover. Prepare to empty a sizeable portion of your bank account to correct your mistake.

In light of this, I’m just amazed that marriage isn’t some incredibly rare ritual that’s televised because… Holy crap, two people actually decided to legally commit to being together for their rest of their lives!

I mean, there should be like ten of these world-wide each year, right?

So as you have guessed, I’m no longer married and never will get married again. Ever. To anyone. For any reason.

But if someone reading this feels they have to, just know that they need to be 110% sure that they are happy and are doing the right thing. If you can’t do that, or you can’t go into it without any reservations, you shouldn’t even consider getting married.

I wanted to follow up where I got my statistics from—some folks have asked where this 85% are unhappily married statistic came from. I once met a marriage counselor at a party and spoke at length about her experiences. She said these were the current statistics based on peer-reviewed research she had reviewed over the past 7–10 years.

She concurred that on average, only about one out of ten marriages consisted of two, mutually happy people who would do it over again. I have since heard it has risen to 15%, so adjusted it to reflect that number. The rest fell into categories that ranged anywhere from, “mildly dissatisfied” to “mutual hatred.” She claimed that the majority wouldn’t remarry their current spouse if they had it to do over again.

Sad, but it made an impression on me that while it can be very right and work for some, marriage isn’t always such a great idea for everybody.

If this answer does only one thing - make people stop and think before they jump into a lifetime commitment with the wrong person - and wait instead for the person they know is truly right for them, then it has done its job.

- Click here to donate as The Spirit leads you to support the vision of this mission and the orphange for God loves a cheerful giver - Ah Lord God! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for thee: -Jeremiah 32:17

Yes, I regret it a lot. I regret fighting my parents for marrying for my boyfriend and not marrying the boy of their choice.

I was working in IT for 4 years and turning 27 when my parents started search a groom for me. I was already in a relationship for 3 years at that point of time, we started our career together and I fell for him.

Now when I look back at what I did I feel really really angry on myself due to multiple reasons, but mostly because I was living in a fantasy world.

My parents were bringing proposals where groom was generally well settled and was family oriented.

But I wanted to marry my boyfriend, who as per my believe loved me more than anyone can love anyone else. Our love was simply legendary in my point of view but only after marriage I realized what mistake I made.

When my boyfriend used to get drunk it looked so cool to me, he even introduced me to alcohol.
but now he objects when I drink and goes drinking with his friends ignoring me just like he used to ignore his family for me back when we were dating, his drinking habit has a very negative impact on our finances as well
My MIL never accepted me and I feel like an outsider because I am Bihari and they are Bengali. I don’t know their language properly (I learnt but mother tongue can never be replaced). I also get a lot of taunts because I am not as beautiful as normal Bengali brides.
My extended family never truly accepted me because of the cultural difference, and my husband never made any attempt to get me along with his family.
My extended family also has a joke that one should not marry a girl like me because
a. I did not bought any dowry or gift for them, because my parents did not approved of this marriage
b. I was used (read fu**ed) before marriage by my husband. Yes my husband told this to his family. So as per them I am characterless as well because I was in a relationship with my husband.
I really liked my husbands chilled attitude and living in the moment theory but now it scares me because we have zero plan for future and we simply can’t face even a big problem because we have zero saving.
I lost my family, my parents hardly visit me. My sister in law (my brothers wife) does not like me because I married outside our caste and sometimes I have to ask for financial help from my brother.
In 5 years my family members have visited my home just once after marriage, can you imagine just once in 5 years. They don’t even care if I am dead or alive anymore. My sister in law has taken my place completely, my parents talk about her and care about her more than they talk about me.
After 1.5–2 years the romance was dead and I discovered that my cool husband is not committed to me like a husband, he is careless basically so he was never commuted as a son or as brother as well. I used to like this earlier as used to feel this as freedom but now it feels that I have no one to take care of me, I miss that feeling of having a caring and protective husband which others have.
Love is a feeling and it fades away, now we (me and my husband) give more importance to other things like money. During my groom search time I rejected proposals of a lot of well to do guys and now I regret it when I have to think 5 times before spending 1–2 K.
I am not as beautiful as I used to be earlier (true for every girl) and I even my husband told me this (he is frank I know) but it shattered me. I know a lot of husband and wife and I have seen my parents (arrange marriage) and even during my mothers worst time my father used to tell her how beautiful and attractive she is.
Sometime lies are much better than honesty, hurting your partner in name of truth is pure evil.
When I see my other relatives hosting their son in laws and their son in laws doing so much for them (like a family) I feel hurt because my husband and my family simply has zero connection. My father and brother hate my husband because he was never good as per society standards.

I basically married my boyfriend who was never prepared to transform into a husband and then after becoming a wife my desires from my husband changed but my boyfriend never changed into husband.

So now I am wife stuck with a boyfriend, who has no family to support her.

Yes, I regret my marriage. I am a South Indian girl raised in a upper middle class family in a small town in South India. Mine was an arranged marriage, horoscope matched, parents met, we met and the usual steps led to marriage. After marriage my husband was not interested in me physically. Even after 6 months of marriage I was a virgin as my husband never initiated anything. After 6 into our marriage I confronted him as what his problem was? Was he gay? Should we meet a doctor? (Yes, I should have done it much earlier, but I haven’t got the courage then). He said he was normal and tried to be intimate. But since it was my first time and him being in a hurry to get it finished, it was horrible. I felt too much pain and decided it was not worth it and didn’t ask him further. After a year into our marriage, my parents started asking for grandchildren and I conveyed the message to my husband. He said we should have a baby and we tried to be intimate. It was not a pleasant experience and I became pregnant due to that. I still wonder how did that happen since there are so many couples who need children and are unable to conceive. But me became pregnant due to a single unsatisfactory act! My husaband was too happy to become a father. We got a son and he is 4 years old now. After that single time we have never been intimate again. He feels that his duty as a husband is over and is happy living his life. We live in a single house with me and son sleeping in a bedroom and husband in another. When I asked if we should meet a doctor for his intimacy issues he picked a fight with me and abused me verbally. I am a good looking girl and I still have men staring at me when I walk around. But his accusation is that I am not looking good enough to attract him. Apart from this, he buys me whatever I ask for and provides me economical stability. But he never fulfilled my physical desires and have crushed all my dreams in a cruel way. I being raised in a conservative family don’t have the guts to tell the issue to anybody or to end the marriage. I hate my husband to the core but act as if everything is normal on the outside. He too act as if everything is normal and not sure what he thinks inside. I regret having married him and I regret staying married to him.

A big yes.

It was 2014. I met this wonderful guy that my parents found to be suitable.

He was smart, working as an engineer and earning very well. Family was very welcoming as well.

We met once, and got engaged on the second meeting. Though the family was better off than ours, they said yes immediately as my MIL thought they had no chance of finding a prettier girl for their below average looking son. Till that day, I was a firm believer of “don't go by the looks”.

I was getting along well with my would be husband; as both of us were introverts we thought it was normal to not talk much.

2 months went by and I was married. My first night was booked in a hotel in Delhi. We arrived there and my MIL made me wear my wedding lehenga again. He decided to sit by the pool for some time. As we were about to leave the pool side after 20 minutes, he pushed in the water. And started laughing like a maniac.

I was stunned, dripping in an already 15 kg lehenga. I came out and walked towards the door. He came to stop me and I slapped him with all the courage I could muster. And to my horror he began crying like a 5 year old. Fell down on my feet to stop me from going. By now the staff was coming in to check if everything was okay. I had no choice but to go to the room with him.

As soon as we reached, he fell on the bed and slept. I was numb from shock. Some part of my brain was thinking may be he was very drunk (even though I didn't see him drinking).

We went back home the next day, and I decided not to mention last night as anybody can be drunk. Maybe it was normal after all the wedding pressure. He seemed very attentive and caring the whole day. But as soon as we were alone that night, he transformed. This time in a red lipstick wearing man, trying to be a woman. He put on this girlish giggle and went into a fit of laughter and fell asleep.

I started dreading our honeymoon for which we had to leave in 72 hours. I was freaking out. I called my mom and cried my heart out. Initially she thought it was normal post wedding strain. But then she believed me but asked me to endure a bit more.

The next night he was in the shower singing “teri diwani” for 3 and a half hours straight. Came out kissed me on the forehead and slept on the floor. That night I cried for the first time. The next morning at 6, I came out and confronted my in-laws. They denied any knowledge of their son’s peculiar behavior. But I could sense their guilt.

Although I did not face any physical abuse in that family, I was so deeply shaken from the entire ordeal that it took me 2 months to recover. My in-laws did not ask me to come back, but made me promise not to bad mouth their son. My husband tried calling me but I didn't respond. We separated mutually after a year.

So what did my marriage give me..? A tag that says divorcée.

I have an appeal to all parents.. Please don't be so blindly in love with your sons, that you overlook the fact that they need medical attention.

Edit: I hold no grudges against that family. I had left about 45 days after my marriage, in just the clothes I was wearing, wallet and mobile nothing else. The boy's father sent each and every thing back to our house that I took.. Including jewellery, appliances, everything in the car that I used to drive before marriage. They were one of the nicest people you can find. They just don't seem to believe their own misfortune.. Let alone find a solution.

And as a lot of people are asking, I did meet the boy several times but, it was for lunches mostly.In nice upscale restaurants..where he always used to be a perfect gentleman. Infact he never tried to harm me, he used to be busy dealing with his own mental state.

Well, I regret it, a lot.

There was a girl whom I met when I went to college; she became my best friend, and we fell in love. We were together for seven years and had a clear idea that we were soulmates that had to get married. So, in 2014, her parents were looking for a guy. She told me that she wanted to break up with me because her parents didn't agree for us to get married, which was due to certain prejudices. I was disheartened; I loved her too much to let her go, and I couldn't believe how she couldn't even try. We had fought several times for a few months. One night, after a big fight, I gave up. I told her that I would never contact her again. It was her birthday a few days later. She called me for the next few days, but I decided that I would not talk to her no matter what; she said things that broke my heart. I received a text from her that her parents had agreed to meet me and that was her birthday present. I didn't believe her, and I was too numb to react. She contacted me through mutual friends, and we talked. Things were sorted out. Her parents agreed with us getting married. I was thrilled, and so was she.

We got married in October 2015. That was the happiest day of my life as my dream came true. I loved her immensely. I wasn't feeling well a few days before getting married. So after the wedding, I went to the doctor, and three days later I found out that I had a massive kidney failure and required dialysis immediately. It was chronic kidney disease stage 5, and I needed a transplant or dialysis to survive. I left her at her parents' place next day and went for dialysis as her parents' house was nearby.

Now, something happened that wasn't just a problem but a rude awakening for me.

She never came back. She called me for a day or two, and when I asked her to come back, she denied. She accused me that I knew everything about my medical condition and concealed it from her. Her parents made the same accusations, and they asked for a divorce. Now, I wondered why she couldn't be with me, even when nobody could stop her, as she was my wife. I told her at the very beginning that I just wanted one thing from her, and that was her support when there was nobody by my side. She said that she couldn't spend her life being my maid tending to me, while it was nothing like that, as a person gets normal after a transplant. I understand that she thought about herself and wanted to move on, but I just wanted the truth, not the accusations. I wanted her to say it to my face that she was just thinking of herself.

Well, I have been on dialysis since then, and I'm scheduled for a transplant in July. I officially got divorced as I communicated it to her a few months back, but her parents filed a case for money compensation. I saw her today and saw no regrets in her eyes for what she did. I regret that I married someone so mean and selfish. I wish I had married someone who had loved me truly and stayed by my side through my hard times.

This is an awakening that I had from the illusion that love is not real when people show it to be. It's just a profit and loss game for some.

Edit 1: Thanks a lot everyone for all the support and such an overwhelming response. I’ll put another edit once I'm well, as many of you have asked. Love you all.

EDIT 2: Hello friends, thanks a lot for the upvotes and messages. Your wishes worked well for me. As I mentioned earlier, I am writing this to tell you all that I had my transplant a few months ago and I am healthy now. Thank you all.

Zion International Christian Centers

Thursday, July 11, 2019

Why Do you regret your marriage, and where and what are the reasons behind it?

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